Embracing Absurdity – The Funniest Stupid Quotes That Make You Laugh

The only thing dumber than a question is the answer.

I put the ‘pro’ in ‘procrastinate’.

I don’t need a hair stylist; my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.

If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t more people happy?

I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.

Why fit in when you were born to stand out in a completely ridiculous way?

Some days I amaze myself; other days I put my keys in the refrigerator.

I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me beach wallpapers.

I’m not arguing; I’m just explaining why I’m right… even when I’m wrong.

If at first, you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

I finally found out what’s wrong with my brain. It doesn’t have enough Godzilla.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not sure.

I don’t have a carbon footprint; I just drive everywhere.

If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.

I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already!

Common sense is like deodorant; the people who need it the most never use it.

If you’re going to be dumb, you better be tough.

My life feels like a test I didn’t study for.

Doing nothing is hard; you never know when you’re done.

I have a sharp wit… and a dull pencil.

Logic will get you from A to B; imagination will take you everywhere… ideally, where there’s food.

I tried to be normal once. Worst two minutes of my life.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m just a sock on the floor in life’s laundry room.

The early bird might catch the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.

If you think the sky is the limit, you’ve never met my imagination.

I would explain it to you, but I left my English-to-Dingbat dictionary at home.

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?

My phone battery lasts longer than most of my friendships.

I have a lot of ideas, but they’re all stuck in my ‘sometime’ folder.

I’m multitasking: I can listen, ignore, and forget at the same time.

Sometimes I pretend to be normal, but it gets boring. So I go back to being me.

I am on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.

I can’t believe I’m still single. It’s like all the fish have collectively swiped left.

If I were a vegetable, I’d be a ‘cabbage’ because I’m a little bit nutty.

You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?

I’m a multitasking genius; I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

Why do we press harder on the remote when we know the batteries are weak?

You know you’re on the right track when the squirrels start picking up your nuts.

I told my dog to eat the vegetables, but he just stared at me like I was nuts.

I don’t always lose my phone, but when I do, it’s on silent.

I followed my heart, and it led me to the fridge.

Don’t worry if plan A doesn’t work; the alphabet has 25 more letters!

When nothing goes right, go left.

I’m not lazy; I’m on energy-saving mode.