If common sense were a currency, some folks would be bankrupt!
Politicians are like diapers; they need to be changed often, and for the same reason.
Running for office is like a marriage; you have to say a lot of nice things to get the ring!
I told my team to think outside the box; they brought a ladder!
If ignorance is bliss, Id like to meet the happiest person on Earth.
The only thing that travels faster than light is a politicians promise!
I didnt get where I am today by following the crowd; I tiptoed around it!
They say never discuss politics or religion but here we are, and I forgot my script!
If you think thats a crisis, you should see what I have in my inbox!
Why do they call it common sense when its so rare?
Some people have guts… I prefer courage served with a side of humor!
Folks, if I had a dollar for every time someone misunderstood me, Id actually have some dollars!
Debating me is like trying to play soccer in a two-horse town.
I have a PhD in Googling things I dont know!
You know youre in trouble when your best idea sounds like a sitcom plot!
I always tell my staff to keep their chin up; it helps with the neck strain from nodding.
In politics, the truth is like a pinata; it takes a whack to get the candy!
If brains were dynamite, some people wouldnt have enough to blow their noses!
They say laughter is the best medicine; lets just hope its covered by insurance!
Why do they say the grass is greener on the other side? Its probably just better fertilized!
Running for office is like riding a unicycle; its tricky, and you will fall occasionally!
When life gives you lemons, ask for tequila and salt!
I have an opinion on every topic; its my superpower!
Life is short; lets make it a comedy instead of a tragedy.
I read the news today; it was a total ‘headlines and headaches’ experience!
Honestly, Id trust my dog to run for office before some of these candidates!
Some days I feel like a genius; other days I realize Im just the office joker!
I asked my fortune cookie about my political future, and it said try again later!
Politics is the art of looking serious while juggling a bunch of clowns!
I dont always make sense, but when I do, its purely by accident!
Lets put the fun in fundamental disagreements!
Why do I love politics? Its the only field where your mistakes can be trending topics!
Im not saying Im a great politician, but Im definitely better at dodging questions!
In politics, you never want to be the brightest bulb… it might draw attention!
You cant make everyone happy, but you can definitely make them laugh!
I always carry a pencil; you never know when you need to draw a line!
The best speech I ever gave? It was in my car, to an audience of one!
Every politician has a plan until they get a question!
If only we had a mute button for certain debates!
Politics today: a real-life soap opera with a side of slapstick!
I tried to explain my ideas, but they were lost in translation mostly lost!
My strategy? Make em laugh before I make em cry!
If I had a nickel for every time someone asked me a ridiculous question, Id fund my own campaign!
The secret to good politics? A little charm and a lot of luck!
Some say laughter is the best policy; Im just here for opinions on that! I hope you enjoy these humorous takes!