Your secrets are always safe with me; I never listen to you anyway.
If I wanted to hear from an idiot, Id just watch you talk.
Id agree with you, but then wed both be wrong.
You’re like a cloud; when you disappear, its a beautiful day.
Im not insulting you; Im describing you.
You’re the reason God created the middle finger.
I’d call you a tool, but that implies you get used.
You bring everyone so much joy… when you leave the room.
Id explain it to you, but I left my English-to-Dingbat dictionary at home.
You’re proof that even evolution makes mistakes.
If I had a dollar for every smart thing you say, I’d be broke.
You’re like a software update; whenever I see you, I think, ‘Not now.’
Id offer you a cold drink, but you look like youre already full of yourself.
You’re not stupid; you just have bad luck when it comes to thinking.
Your face makes onions cry.
I’d say you’re full of it, but I think we both know that’s not possible.
You’re like a candle in the wind: useless.
If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive.
I’d call you a joke, but I don’t want to waste my punchline.
You’re as useless as the ‘ueue’ in ‘queue.’
Somewhere out there, a village is missing its idiot.
You’re so dense, light bends around you.
I see youve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You’re a gray matter miracle; too bad it’s all a little undercooked.
I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and don’t want to see you every day.
You’re like a software bug: annoying and hard to get rid of.
Youre as welcome as a mosquito at a nudist colony.
You’re the reason they put instructions on shampoo.
Your brain is like the Bermuda Triangleinformation goes in and then it’s never found again.
If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.
You add no value to the world; it’s like youre a discount store of opinions.
I dont have the energy to hate you, but I will always admire your persistence.
You’re like a broken pencil: pointless.
I would call you an idiot, but that would be an insult to all stupid people.
You’re not a complete idiot; some parts are missing.
I hope your day is as pleasant as you are annoying.
You’re a gray area in a world of black and white.
You must have been born on a highway because thats where most accidents happen.
If brains were dynamite, you wouldn’t have enough to blow your nose.
You’re like a software update; nobody wants to deal with you.
If only you took your own advice as seriously as you take yourself.
You’re as useful as a knitted condom.
Youre a talentless jack-of-all-trades and master of none.
If we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket… I might give it to youso you won’t bother anyone else.
Your face makes bad decisions look good.