Wit and Wisdom – Inspiring Quotes from Phyllis Diller

The only thing I wear around the house is a smile.

I’m not really a morning person; I’m more of a coffee person.

I don’t think of myself as a comedian; I just think of myself as someone who makes people laugh.

I can’t help but laugh at my own jokes; they’re the best ones I have.

A good laugh is like sunshine in the house.

Never underestimate the power of a good punchline.

If I had known how wonderful it would be to have grandchildren, I would have had them first.

I asked my husband to let me know the next time he’s having a bad day. He said he would text me ‘away.’

I’ve been on medication so long, I sometimes forget which way is up.

You know you’re getting old when the candle costs more than the cake.

I don’t sweat; I sparkle!

I love to laugh at myself… I dare anyone else to try!

The older I get, the smarter my parents become.

Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.

If you’re not having fun, you’re not doing it right!

I make mistakes; I am human. But I laugh through my missteps.

I’m on the patch that keeps me from running out of laughter.

Age is a number; mine is unlisted.

I tell my friends not to worry about getting older – they’re already older than me!

Some people look for a beautiful place; I make a place beautiful with my laughter.

Confidence: the best outfit you can wear.

My husband and I have an agreement: he stays out of my way if I stay out of his.

If I ever get rich, my first purchase will be a laughter-proof room.

A smile is the best makeup any girl can wear.

My life is full of mistakes; they’re like stepping stones to laughter.

I’m laughing all the way to the bank – and to the fridge!

Sometimes I need a little laughter therapy.

I refuse to grow up; I’d rather grow sideways.

The key to happiness is to always find humor in your chaos.

I’m not afraid of aging; I’m afraid of being boring!

Every day may not be good, but there is something good in every day.

Laugh uncontrollably; it’s not just a sound, it’s a way of life.

When life gives you lemons, trade them for laughter.

I don’t argue; I just express my humor loudly.

My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch… I call it lunch!

A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s – she changes it more often!

Life is too short to be serious; embrace the silly moments.

I’ve got a mind like a steel trap; rusty and illegal in 37 states.

Fear is like a fog; laughter is the sunshine that burns it away.

I can’t understand; why would I want to be anyone other than me?

Finding humor in life is my favorite part of every day.

In comedy, timing is key; in life, laughter is essential.

A joke a day keeps the doctor away!

My hobbies include avoiding adult responsibilities and laughing at everything.

If laughter is the best medicine, my prescription is infinite!

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