Top Michael Scott Quotes That Will Make You Laugh and Think

Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.

Sometimes I’ll start a sentence and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way.

You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. – Wayne Gretzky

I am Beyonce, always.

I DECLARE BANKRUPTCY!

Dwight, you ignorant slut!

I am running away from my responsibilities. And it feels good.

Life’s too short to be serious all the time. You gotta loosen up and enjoy yourself.

I’m an early bird and a night owl. So I’m wise and I have worms.

I am in charge of the pizza, and that is all that matters.

I don’t want to be a toy. I want to be a real boy!

I am the assistant to the regional manager. Not the assistant regional manager!

Sometimes you gotta work a little, so you can ball a lot.

I’m an excellent driver. I’ve never hit anyone.

Bears, beets, Battlestar Galactica.

You have no idea how high I can fly.

I am running a small company – at a branch level.

I am a God among insects.

What’s wrong with ‘the bottom of a dumpster’?

I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.

You can’t put a price on friendship!

I am so proud of myself right now.

I am the king of forwards.

We are all a little weird, and life is a little weird.

Sometimes, I’ll say something and I’m like, ‘Where did that come from?’

I’m operating at a very high level.

I am constantly trying to improve myself, and I have no idea how to do it.

Today, I don’t feel like doing anything.

I just want people to be afraid of how much they love me.

If I had a gun with two bullets and was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice.

I’m the guy who shows you how to play basketball.

You don’t mess with the boss’s pizza.

Guess what? I’m the best.

I used to think that I had all of the answers. Now I realize that I have none.

You’re a dime-a-dozen, and I’m the one.

The only time I set the bar low is for limbo.

I am a friend first, boss second, and probably an entertainer third.

That’s what she said!

I am running a charity from this office.

I am the author of my own life.

You shouldn’t be afraid. It’s only a little terrifying.

The worst thing about prison was the Dementors.

I may be a nerd, but I’m not a loser.

You have no idea how inspiring you are. Even when you put in no effort.

I’m a visionary. I see the unseen.